That’s what President George W. Bush said after ducking shoes thrown at him by an Iraqi journalist.
See? Everyone’s a comedian. Maybe he’s lobbying for Amy Pohler’s old job on Saturday Night Live.
You know what that means.
Road trip!
Think they’ll blog about it? And take pictures of the Kum & Go? And pick up other execs along the way?
Rep. Brad Sherman, D-Calif., was the one who asked the executives if they flew commercial to Washington, D.C. None had.
I suppose Sherman had a decent question. So when will he get his D.C. colleagues to start road-trippin’ in and out of the city? Or maybe he’ll convince them to hitchhike when they go on their PR junkets to Iraq.
Well, not exactly buttah. I cheated and didn’t use a strainer or food grinder, so my apple butter is lumpy. But, hey, it’s apple butter. I got fancy yesterday and used the food grinder on the applesauce. It’s more like buttah than the apple butter. Oh well.
I heard someone on election night say that everyone will remember exactly where they were when Barack Obama was elected president. Yep. I was at home. Making apple butter.
Congratulations, President-elect Obama, on your victory.
You said you need my help.
Yes, you do.
You said you will be my president too.
Yes, you will.
You said you hear my voice.
I’d love to agree with that, but you have shown me that you hear only what you want to hear. So, while I have a whole lot of other things I could say, I’ll leave it at this for now:
Well done. And good luck.
You both sold me out with your votes for the googillion-dollar bailout, and you both want my vote. These things don’t go together, and I’m confused.
Oh, wait. It is easy to decide who to sell out and who to bail out.
Sell out: A taxpayer with one measly vote.
Bail out: Friends in high places with bags o’ cash, like, oh … AIG.
Sen. McCain, you got $43,275 from AIG employees and $7,634,378 from the securities and investment industry.
Sen. Obama, you got $88,099 from AIG employees and $10,847,652 from the securities and investment industry.
And you’re looking out for … me?
Umm, OK.
And those debates. Are you kidding me? We’ve got troops dying in two wars that neither of you plan to end, even though the American public told you loudly and clearly two years ago that’s what it wanted. We’ve got people losing their jobs, their homes, their retirement savings. We, as a country, are broke, thanks to failed policies both of you supported. And this is the best you can do?
Umm, OK.
Sen. Obama, would you please call your Hollywood friends? The ones who patronize average Americans with reverse psychology because, you know, average Americans are stupid like that. The ones who made this:
Know what I say to them? Shut up. Give me a viable candidate, and I’ll vote. Until then? Shut it. Well, you go ahead and tell Leo he can come over here and lick my face … then I might think about voting for him. Or … maybe I’ll just let him lick my face.
C’mon, Senators. Level with me. Neither one of you wants or needs my itty-bitty vote. The first one who stands up and publicly admits that? Gets my vote.
I recently said I doubted Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., or Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., would end the war as president. Marking the fifth year of the war in Iraq, “experts” are now saying the war is probably not even at the halfway mark.
Clinton and Obama will appear on MTV on Thursday at 6 p.m. (EST) to answer questions from young war veterans.
Both spoke about the war today: Obama in North Carolina and Clinton in Washington, D.C.
Update: Hmm. Maybe not. It’s 6:10 p.m., and MTV is still playing Parental Control. I don’t see Clinton or Obama anywhere. Update: Hmm. I guess it would help if I realized that today is Wednesday.
I watched Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., on Saturday Night Live. Again. It was a rerun from his October 2007 appearance. He wore an Obama mask (it was the Halloween show), took it off to reveal … (surprise!) Obama … and shouted the famed phrase, “Live! From New York! It’s Saturday Night!”
Wait. When did that happen? Didn’t politicians used to wait until they were out of office before doing SNL?
Bob Dole appeared on SNL in 1996 after he lost his bid for president. George Herbert Walker Bush appeared on SNL in 1994 (after his presidential term) and 2000.
What is this? The Fred Thompson effect? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Jesse Ventura? Or was it Ronald Reagan? And why do they all scramble to appear on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Real Time with Bill Maher? Is it because mainstream news has become such a joke that the fake news is more exciting?
Some ask if the Obama appearance constitutes an SNL endorsement. So I wondered how much money SNL producer Lorne Michaels gave to Obama. Interestingly enough, he’s given quite a bit to … Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.
Speaking of McCain, he was apparently the first elected official to host SNL — while in office — in 2005. He even sang Barbra Streisand songs. In 2002, he joked about impending war. Because, you know, war is funny. I mean, gosh, if you can’t laugh at war, what can you laugh at? What’s next, John? A waterboarding skit?
The line between politicians and celebrities blurs and sometimes disappears with celebrity endorsements as the big news of the day. They line up behind their politicians, and regular folks are supposed to care.
Updated: Mike Huckabee was on SNL this weekend.
Hillary Rodham Clinton
(Click on the pictures to see political donations.)
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., has been endorsed (so far) by Maya Angelou, America Ferrera, Quincy Jones, Billie Jean King, Jack Nicholson, Rob Reiner, Kimora Lee Simmons, Steven Spielberg, Barbra Streisand, Amber Tamblyn.
John McCain
McCain has been endorsed (so far) by Curt Schilling, Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.
Barack Obama
Obama has been endorsed (so far) by Halle Berry, Zach Braff, Ken Burns, George Clooney, Larry David, Robert De Niro (but he’s given $14,200 to Hillary Clinton), Hill Harper, Scarlett Johansson, Sheila Johnson, Dave Matthews, Kal Penn, Chris Rock, Will Smith, Maria Shriver, Kathleen Turner, Usher, Forest Whitaker, Keisha Whitaker, James Whitmore and — in case you missed it — Oprah Winfrey.
Enter will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas and Yes We Can.
Can what, Sam I Am … I mean … will.i.am? Oh, right. You bring your cocoa puff, I’ll bring my lovely lady lumps … get you drunk, make you scream, get you spendin’ all your money … riiiiiiight … umm, sure … yes.we.can, will.i.am.
Black Eyed Peas
My Humps
Monkey Business, 2005
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’ fly
Brother I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion’s,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on meWhat you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let’s spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin’ got you,She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me.What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) [x4]
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me.
(And that won a Grammy.)
Updated to add:
Thank you, Todd, at The Bullshit Observer.
But it apparently didn’t tell FBI agents before sending them to Baghdad to investigate the Sept. 16, 2007, incident that left 17 Iraqis dead.
The investigative misstep comes in the wake of already-strained relations between the United States and Iraq, which is demanding the right to launch its own prosecution of the Blackwater bodyguards.
Misstep? The U.S. State Department can’t seem to get a grasp on oversight. The U.S. embassy offers to pay Iraqi families $12,500 for each Blackwater victim. Who’s running this joint? FEMA?
Blackwater spokeswoman Anne Tyrrell declined comment about the U.S. investigation.
Well. Duh.
It’s not clear why the Diplomatic Security investigators agreed to give immunity to the bodyguards, or who authorized doing so.
Of course not.
Bureau of Diplomatic Security chief Richard Griffin last week announced his resignation, effective Thursday. Senior State Department officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, have said his departure was directly related to his oversight of Blackwater contractors.
But Blackwater branches out and expands its contracts, even though it was accused of stealing Iraqi airplanes, smuggling and illegally selling weapons, almost killing a U.S. soldier and evading taxes.
Last week, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice ordered a series of measures to boost government oversight of the private guards who protect American diplomats in Iraq. They include increased monitoring and explicit rules on when and how they can use deadly force.
Right. Cultural awareness training. Yeah. That’ll fix it. Heckuva job, Condi.
At least the immunity explains why Blackwater CEO Erik Prince “welcomes extra oversight,” has employed a new PR campaign and blitzed (blizted with Blizter … get it?) the media, chatting with everyone but Letterman, and asked reporters to contact Congress on Blackwater’s behalf. Sort of his own little “bring ’em on” statement.
***Oh, wait. Blackwater always had immunity.
Dig this.
Oh, that Bush. He’s such a kidder.
Need more laughs?
We believe that Iraq as a market will continue to grow for some time due to the outsourcing by the US government in terms of convoy logistics, in terms of guarding, that will continue. The fact that there are obviously huge oil reserves in Iraq and international companies will go back in once the security situation stabilises a bit more. — Patrick Toyne-Sewell, ArmorGroup International, The Independent, Oct. 24, 2007
Here are some of the companies with government contracts in Iraq:
Freelance journalist Dhi Abdul-Razak al-Dibo, 32, was shot dead near Kirkuk on Monday, less than 24 hours after a Washington Post correspondent was killed in Baghdad.
According to Reporters sans frontières (Reporters Without Borders): at least 54 journalists and media assistants have been killed in Iraq since the start of the year; 10 worked for foreign news media (Radio Free Europe, Newsweek, ABC, APTN, Reuters, The New York Times and The Washington Post); and 203 media workers have been killed and 83 kidnapped (14 apparently still being held) in Iraq since 2003.
The Freedom Forum Journalists Memorial has a working list, Journalists in Peril.
Washington Post special correspondent Salih Saif Aldin, 32, was shot to death Sunday in southwest Baghdad while on assignment, the first reporter for the newspaper to be killed during the Iraq war.
At least 118 journalists have been killed in Iraq while on duty, almost 100 of them Iraqis, according to the Committee to Protect Journalists.
Blackwater USA founder and owner Erik Prince testifies today before the U.S. House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, starting at 10 a.m. (streaming live here).
I still want to know: Who were the U.S. diplomats being guarded by Blackwater employees on Sept. 16, 2007, and will they be required to testify before the committee?
