HeForShe

September 22, 2014 | Emma Watson,Feminism,HeForShe,Hillary Clinton,United Nations

Gandy, Smeal: Maloney should replace Clinton

December 4, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Barack Obama,Colbert Report,Hillary Clinton,Politics

The National Organization for Women sent a press release today, announcing that the NOW Political Action Committee and the Feminist Majority PAC endorsed Rep. Carolyn B. Maloney, D-N.Y., to replace Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., in the Senate if Clinton’s nomination for U.S. Secretary of State goes through.

The press release quoted Kim Gandy, NOW president, and Eleanor Smeal, Feminist Majority president.

Hmm. I wonder why they didn’t announce it on Comedy Central.

Leslie Bennetts stars in ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’

April 18, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Barack Obama,Hillary Clinton,Journalism,Katie Couric,Leslie Bennetts,Media,Politics,Stop the presses!

Leslie Bennetts should activate the Photon Accelerator Annihilation Beam on the Continuum Transfunctioner, save the universe and deliver Breast Enhancement Necklaces to the world.

Because, Dude. Reading the opinion piece she wrote for the New York Post, “Hillary & Katie, Two Women Pioneers … Driven off a Cliff,” is like waking up with a stoner’s hangover and a house full of pudding.

What’s her point? When she writes about everyday, ordinary American women for whom things go wrong, they’re stupid — willfully obtuse parasites who demonstrate for their children that woman is the n***** of the world.

When she writes about Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., and Katie Couric, for whom things — according to Bennetts — have gone wrong, they’re victims. Well-paid, well-heeled victims of the patriarchy that calls for Couric to display her “denuded gams” for her $15 million annual paycheck.

Bennetts says male pundits gleefully deconstruct the “twin debacles” of Clinton and Couric’s “front-page flame-outs,” and she knows exactly who’s at fault.

But there’s plenty of blame to go around, much of which belongs to the male advisors whose catastrophic advice helped steer both women to defeat.

Dude. Because prominent women are, like, totally incapable of making their own decisions.

Bennetts says Hillary Clinton’s presidential bid is a failure.

Dude.

[Looking around nervously … whispering … ]

::::::Don’t tell Clinton!::::::

She will kick your ass. Or, as the Post would have you believe, she will shoot off your face, à la Susan Sarandon‘s Louise Sawyer. Yeah, the Post bobble-headed (yeah, that’s a verb … shut up) Clinton and Katie Couric on a Thelma & Louise publicity photo.

But who knows? Maybe Clinton will step down tomorrow, and I’ll eat my words.

Psych! That’s never gonna happen.

Bennetts says Couric is “one of the toughest interviewers in television.”

At CBS, Couric was the $60 million talent, but the suits who run the network were the geniuses who decided that one of the toughest interviewers in television should be reduced to a nauseating female caricature whose main contribution to her new role was girlish fatuousness, despite the excruciatingly obvious fact that the primary job requirement was gravitas.

Dude. Did you see this interview with Clinton — the one where she asked, “Someone told me your nickname in school was Miss Frigidaire. Is that true?” Yeah. Whew! Tough as nails.

Bennetts says Couric was girly and leggy at the behest of the CBS guys writing her paycheck.

Dude. Because she was never, ever girly or leggy before joining CBS.

Bennetts talks about Manolo Blahnik shoes, an essential element of the Victim Uniform of American Female Failure.

Dude. Does a celebrity writer get a pair of Manolo Blahniks in the mail every time she mentions them?

When the ousted Dan Rather complained that his former broadcast had been “dumbed down and tarted up,” he wasn’t wrong, but nobody ever instructed him to insert cutesy comments about his kids between devastating news segments on the Iraq War, let alone to flash his shapely legs and a titillating glimpse of thigh for the cameras. America remains blessedly unfamiliar with the sight of Rather’s hairy pins — one shudders to think what they’d look like in Manolo Blahniks — but Couric’s denuded gams were accorded such prominence that the male honchos masterminding her show seemed to believe that sexy legs in stilettoes were all that viewers cared about.

Dude. Because Dan Rather‘s opinion still counts. And Rush Limbaugh‘s. And Nora Ephron‘s.

Bennetts says Clinton and Couric are “two of America’s most prominent women.”

Dude. I guess that’s all there is. The rest? Posers. Not prominent at all. You know … like these.

• Sen. Elizabeth Dole, R-N.C.
• Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif.
• U.S. Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg
• Karen Elliott House
• Karen Hughes
• Wilma Pearl Mankiller
• Indra Nooyi
• Michelle Obama — (here’s a feature by Bennetts)
• Former U.S. Supreme Court Justice and current Chancellor of the College of William and Mary Sandra Day O’Connor
• U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi. (Ooh. She wears Manolo Blahniks!)
• U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. (She wears Manolo Blahniks too!)
• Sen. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine
• Cynthia Tucker
• Jody Williams

Dude. Victims. Or … maybe they have better male advisers, eh?

And if blaming the patriarchy doesn’t work, Bennetts pulls out the “who’s the worst victim” card.

Lest anyone forget the proper role of women, there were helpful reminders from morons like the heckler shouting “Iron my shirts!” during a Clinton campaign appearance. No white males have yet been recorded yelling “Shine my shoes!” at an Obama event, but of course racism is offensive, whereas we’re supposed to laugh off even the most virulent sexism.

Dude. Because that’s how to eradicate sexism — by saying it’s worse than the racism a black presidential candidate (and an entire population of Americans) deals with every day. Because, you know, sexism can’t stand as an issue on its own. It has to climb on the back of racism to be seen and heard.

With friends like these, famous women scarcely need enemies. But there are more than enough of both to get the job done. And so the glass ceiling cracks a couple more well-coiffed heads, as effortlessly as if they were eggs.

Dude. With “journalists” like Bennetts, putting “prominent” women like Clinton and Couric in the “victim” sandbox, who needs a reason to get out of bed up in the morning? Quick. Someone get me a cosmopolitan and some pills. It’s women’s own fault. Because, as Bennetts said in her book, American women today have the most choices of women at any time in the history of the world. According to this article? Here are those choices.

1) Be stupid.
2) Be a victim.

So, Dude. Click your ruby-red high heels together and make a choice. If you pick the wrong one? Blame your male adviser.

*Click click.*

Clinton, Obama to discuss war on MTV tomorrow night

March 19, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Afghanistan,Barack Obama,Hillary Clinton,Iraq

I recently said I doubted Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., or Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., would end the war as president. Marking the fifth year of the war in Iraq, “experts” are now saying the war is probably not even at the halfway mark.

Clinton and Obama will appear on MTV on Thursday at 6 p.m. (EST) to answer questions from young war veterans.

Both spoke about the war today: Obama in North Carolina and Clinton in Washington, D.C.

Update: Hmm. Maybe not. It’s 6:10 p.m., and MTV is still playing Parental Control. I don’t see Clinton or Obama anywhere. Update: Hmm. I guess it would help if I realized that today is Wednesday.

Politics: SNL snags Clinton

March 2, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Hillary Clinton,Politics,SNL

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton apparently does not read my blog (I’m crushed), otherwise she wouldn’t have done this.

Am I a blue-collar white guy?

2008 campaign,Barack Obama,Hillary Clinton,John McCain

I read White Men Hold Key for Democrats recently in the Wall Street Journal. I take the idea of pigeonholing people into powerful voting groups with a grain of salt (soccer moms, security moms, angry white males, anyone?), but this stuck with me:

It seems like someone else should be there. It’s like there’s someone missing.— Dan Leihgeber, a smelter in a steel plant in Youngstown, Ohio; he supports Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton

That’s how I feel. Does that make me a blue-collar white guy?

I understand the whole we’re-making-history aspect of having Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., and Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., run for president. I feel as if I should be more excited about it than I am. I really, really, really want to get the shivers from “Yes We Can“ or “We Are The Ones” and believe that Obama (or anyone) will wear a big S and a cape and fly in to save the day.

I just can’t, though.

Why? W-A-R. (That’s w.a.r. to you, will.i.am.)

Obama says he’s been against the war since before it started. He said, “I don’t oppose all wars … What I am opposed to is a dumb war,” in his Oct. 2, 2002, speech at an antiwar rally in Chicago. While he joined the Rev. Jesse Jackson, the Rev. Paul Rutgers and former Illinois state Sen. Jesus Garcia in urging the federal government to avoid a military strike against Iraq, Obama was not in a position to vote for or against the war as a state senator in Illinois. When he was a U.S. senator and was in the position to vote on war issues, he voted for funding the war — until he started running for president. That’s when he started saying, “So I make a solemn pledge to you, as president, we will be out of Iraq.”

That’s also when Clinton, who voted for the war and voted for funding the war, started saying, “When I am president, I will end the war.”

Right. Because they did such a bang-up job after the campaign promises of 2006 and the “direct mandate from the American people to end the war.” Instead of ending the war, though, Clinton and Obama changed tack and started saying they would end it … in 2009. Then they backpedaled even harder in a debate in September 2007, when neither would commit to having all U.S. troops out of Iraq by 2013. That’s another five years.

What do they mean when they say they will end the war when they’re president, and how is that any different from Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., saying U.S. troops should be in Iraq for 100 years?

I’ll tell you how it’s different. At least I know where McCain stands. He says he won’t end the war, and I believe him 100 percent.

What’s the big deal about war anyway? Hasn’t it been tossed aside in favor of the bright, shiny object of the day — the economy? As if the war has nothing to do with the economy.

Well, it doesn’t … if you ask President George W. Bush.

(Hat tip: Kemp and Whitehouser.)

But the American people — the ones who issued a mandate to end the war — aren’t that stupid. They’ve said that the way to fix the economy is to get out of Iraq. Gee, ya think?

Even though the economy is now our “No. 1 concern,” McCain apparently “doesn’t really understand economics.” Maybe he thinks leprechauns will replenish the pots of gold while he sleeps?

Clinton and Obama prattle on about how they will set up their respective health-care plans. With what resources? Who will replenish their pots o’ gold? Steven Spielberg? Barbra Streisand? Robert De Niro? Or, wait. Oprah!

Oprah can set up a health-care system for Americans with 200-thread-count sheets on every hospital bed, yoga classes and manicures between doctor appointments and fireplaces in every ER waiting room. Oprah’s plan would simply require 1) All Oprah All Day Satellite Network (including Dr. Phil and The Color Purple) running on every television set and 2) patient-consent forms that say, “This procedure / examination / surgery / discussion between you and your doctor may be monitored for security and money-making purposes. If you choose not to sign this consent form, see ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya and don’t let the door hit you on your way out, you greedy, lazy American fool” and 3) camera crews, makeup and a few “favorite things” thrown in for good measure and the promise of your malignant tumor showing up on prime-time television.

OK, so I joke. But Clinton and Obama’s ideas for health care have just about as much chance of succeeding as the Oprah Plan does. Why? Because they need to get rid of the elephant in the room first. (No, I’m not talking about race or gender or who’s wearing a turban … or whatever else they’ll come up with over the next several months.) And I just don’t see that happening. They haven’t done the jobs they promised to do as senators. What makes a blue-collar white guy like me think they’ll do what they promise as president?

Politics: The Telephone Game

February 25, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Barack Obama,Blogging,Ethics,Hillary Clinton,Journalism,Media,MSM,Politics

CityMama at the MOMocrats accused Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., of leaking a photograph of Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., wearing a turban. Where did CityMama get her information?

CNN’s Political Ticker.

Where did CNN get its information?

The Drudge Report. (CNN editors: “No need for fact-checking. Get this published now!”)

Where did Drudge get his information?

An e-mail sent by “stressed Clinton staffers” “obtained by the Drudge Report.”

Really? Hmm.

I found the picture published by HAN-Geeska Afrika Online in September 2006. Anyone with a mouse and five minutes could have found it. It’s already been “circulated.”

Politics: All the world’s a stage

February 18, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Barack Obama,Fundraising,Hillary Clinton,Iraq,John McCain,Journalism,Media,MSM,Politics,SNL

I watched Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., on Saturday Night Live. Again. It was a rerun from his October 2007 appearance. He wore an Obama mask (it was the Halloween show), took it off to reveal … (surprise!) Obama … and shouted the famed phrase, “Live! From New York! It’s Saturday Night!”

Wait. When did that happen? Didn’t politicians used to wait until they were out of office before doing SNL?

Bob Dole appeared on SNL in 1996 after he lost his bid for president. George Herbert Walker Bush appeared on SNL in 1994 (after his presidential term) and 2000.

What is this? The Fred Thompson effect? Arnold Schwarzenegger? Jesse Ventura? Or was it Ronald Reagan? And why do they all scramble to appear on The Colbert Report, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and Real Time with Bill Maher? Is it because mainstream news has become such a joke that the fake news is more exciting?

Some ask if the Obama appearance constitutes an SNL endorsement. So I wondered how much money SNL producer Lorne Michaels gave to Obama. Interestingly enough, he’s given quite a bit to … Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz.

Speaking of McCain, he was apparently the first elected official to host SNL — while in office — in 2005. He even sang Barbra Streisand songs. In 2002, he joked about impending war. Because, you know, war is funny. I mean, gosh, if you can’t laugh at war, what can you laugh at? What’s next, John? A waterboarding skit?

The line between politicians and celebrities blurs and sometimes disappears with celebrity endorsements as the big news of the day. They line up behind their politicians, and regular folks are supposed to care.

Updated: Mike Huckabee was on SNL this weekend.

Hillary Rodham Clinton

(Click on the pictures to see political donations.)

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., has been endorsed (so far) by Maya Angelou, America Ferrera, Quincy Jones, Billie Jean King, Jack Nicholson, Rob Reiner, Kimora Lee Simmons, Steven Spielberg, Barbra Streisand, Amber Tamblyn.

John McCain

McCain has been endorsed (so far) by Curt Schilling, Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone.

Barack Obama

Obama has been endorsed (so far) by Halle Berry, Zach Braff, Ken Burns, George Clooney, Larry David, Robert De Niro (but he’s given $14,200 to Hillary Clinton), Hill Harper, Scarlett Johansson, Sheila Johnson, Dave Matthews, Kal Penn, Chris Rock, Will Smith, Maria Shriver, Kathleen Turner, Usher, Forest Whitaker, Keisha Whitaker, James Whitmore and — in case you missed it — Oprah Winfrey.

Enter will.i.am of the Black Eyed Peas and Yes We Can.

Can what, Sam I Am … I mean … will.i.am? Oh, right. You bring your cocoa puff, I’ll bring my lovely lady lumps … get you drunk, make you scream, get you spendin’ all your money … riiiiiiight … umm, sure … yes.we.can, will.i.am.

Black Eyed Peas
My Humps
Monkey Business, 2005
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these ices.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin’ fly
Brother I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion’s,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

My love (love), my love, my love, my love (love)
You love my lady lumps (love),
My hump, my hump, my hump (love),
My humps they got you,

She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Let’s spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
You can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I’ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
My lovely lady lumps (lumps)
In the back and in the front (lumps)
My lovin’ got you,

She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

(A-ha, a-ha, a-ha, a-ha) [x4]

She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me, up on me, on me.

(And that won a Grammy.)

Updated to add:

Thank you, Todd, at The Bullshit Observer.

Because this will help make an informed decision

February 11, 2008 | 2008 campaign,Hillary Clinton,Journalism,Katie Couric,Media,Politics,Television

CBS anchor Katie Couric interviewed Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y., on Feb. 10, 2008, for 60 Minutes.

“What were you like in high school? Were you the girl in the front row taking meticulous notes and always raising your hand?” Couric asked.

“Not always raising my hand,” the senator replied, laughing.

“Someone told me your nickname in school was Miss Frigidaire. Is that true?” Couric asked.

“Only with some boys,” Clinton said, laughing.

“I don’t know if I want to hear the back story on that!” Couric said.[*]

“Well, you wouldn’t want to know the boys either,” Clinton said, laughing.[**]

Hat tip: NewsBusters

*Oh, Katie. You know you do.

**Inappropriately?