The Presidency…Let’s Outsource
January 8, 2008 | Uncategorized
Hi. Todd here from The Bullshit Observer with my second guest post to Deep Muck, Big Rake.
If you’re like me, you’ve grown ever tired with the shabby collection of domestic presidential wanna-be’s every four years. It’s year after year of America’s cheesiest, slimiest, glibbest, fakest, most corrupt individuals (with really great hair) saying whatever they feel they need to say to get the largest number of people to say, “Well, I like that. I think I’ll check his box.” I’m tired of it. I’m sure you are too. So I vote we outsource that job to one of our trading partners.
“Wouldn’t this create a conflict of interest?” you ask. Well, yes. That’s true. But the important question is whether the conflict of interest in question would be any greater than the kinds of conflicts of interest that we’re already used to. Conflicts of interest like a former oil man becoming President and refusing to join the Kyoto Accord and reduce greenhouse gas emissions. Would it be more of a conflict of interest than appointing former industry big wigs to be in charge of industry watch dog groups? Yeah, I’m thinking what sort of conflict of interest would a chap from Mogudishu have that would be worse than that?
I can’t think of one.
“But what sort of qualifications would they have to run America?” you ask. I don’t know the answer to that. But let’s say we could get someone in with a joint doctorate in Foreign Relations and American History from Harvard who happens to be from Japan. That alone would make him or her more qualified than our current President. No doubt they’d speak better English too. As an added bonus, he/she’d be able to find Japan on the map.
We’d need a constitutional amendment allowing foreign born citizens the right to run for President, of course. I’m not a total idiot. But how hard can that be?
Considering how much time our current president spends in Texas, our off-shore President could probably work remotely and call into meetings with the joint chiefs.
And think how much cheaper that person would be!
Seriously. Think about it. There are a lot of advantages to having an off-shore President.
February 8th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
[…] The Bullshit Observer is married with two sons. He knows bullshit when he smells it, and I like that in a person. Besides, he makes me laugh. He wrote Gentlemanly Conduct and The Presidency … Let’s Outsource. […]