It was Friday. I had to tell the kids at breakfast that they weren’t going to school. And why. The grieving began.

We each dealt with our loss in our own way.

Except for the initial shock and the funeral, two of my children said very little. I broached the subject once in a while, but they made it clear they really didn’t want to talk about it. I hadn’t said anything for a while.

One morning, we were in the car on the way to school with the radio playing, and I was singing … “Hey, soul sister … ain’t that mister mister …” when I heard this tiny voice from the back of the car. I turned down the music and asked, “What was that?”

“Do Christians die?”

Ah. I’d been waiting for this. But it still took me by surprise.

Then the questions just tumbled out, one after the other.

Will you die? Will Pappa die? Do we all die?

She asked all the questions, but the other two listened, while I did my best to answer them.

My other daughter wears her heart on her sleeve, and her grief was the most outwardly expressed. The loss of her grandmother has changed her indelibly. She’s had a difficult time with loss or leaving or saying goodbye.

For the rest of the school year, she went through severe separation anxiety. She would sob and cling to me when I dropped her off at school (something she’d never done).

We backtracked. I read her “The Kissing Hand,” and I gave her my heart locket. It was a gift from my mother when I first became a mother. I put a picture of me on one side and a picture of her on the other. I told her any time during the day when she missed me, she could take her kissing hand and hold on to the locket.

Then she lost the locket. We searched everywhere. Nothing. Everyone at school was keeping an eye out for it. It finally turned up.

…

She doesn’t wear the locket anymore. But she still has a difficult time with goodbyes. We all do, I guess. We just show it in different ways. She still misses her grandmother. We all do. But she will always be in our hearts.

The dog’s tail actually does curl up like that. I love that, too.

But look at the pictures I took just last week. I wore a windbreaker instead of my winter coat yesterday. It’s been my favorite Iowa winter so far.

My friend Tora made this gift bag out of my daughter’s old jeans. Isn’t that cool? We also have some tote bags she made. She also makes other really cool things, and she has them on her etsy shop, Blue Doore Shoppe. Go check them out!

This year on my birthday, my husband and son came home with a beautiful poinsettia for me, and they told the story about how my mom had always given me one on my birthday. The tradition continues.

I love my family.

Dear Santa,

Please explain to my first-grader that your elves don’t have the parts to make iPads. Or … something. (*cough* $499 *cough*)

And, please. Don’t let the pigeon out of the book! You know. The $14.99 book?

I’ve been good. Really, I have.

Love,

Becky